Transformed By The Re-Newing Of The Mind
By Marilyn Hurst
It was a quiet spring day in March 1990, the day my father died. I had visited him at home just the day before and though it was apparent he was in the last stages of the “disease”, I was still expecting that any time he’d reverse the diagnosis and pull out of this horrible thing that was consuming his life. His passing hit me so hard I could barely remember to keep breathing myself.
Over the following months, slowly at first then like a speeding train coming at me, the past, present and future closed in and I felt I was staring into a black hole. I could see no light at the end of the tunnel. Although it appeared to everyone around me I had lapsed into depression, I knew that a major life-altering event had occurred and the pain was so intense, I wanted to die myself.
I looked at the shambles of my life and realized I’d been sleep-walking through it for the better part of 40 years. My marriage was only held together because of our 9 year old son and were it not for my job as a flight attendant, which took me away for long periods every month, I probably would have ended it years before. This empty void wasn’t just the passing of my father; something within me was desperate to “get out”. At the time I didn’t recognize this as a symptom of a transformational process that was in the beginning stages. So I took the time honored road of least resistance and decided to toss in my marriage.
I gave my husband this “news” and his suggestion was to find a place of my own and “sort things out”; as if I were re-arranging the closets. The guilt I felt was suffocating but pressing on, I left with just the clothes on my back and the memories of my 20 year marriage.
I was married at 21, only a year after I’d joined the airline, and this was almost the first time I’d been living on my own since graduation. Hard to explain, but it was frightening and exhilarating at the same time; I felt like 18 again. My new rental was more money than I wanted to spend, but for some reason I couldn’t even explain to myself, I knew that this was where I should be. Only half a mile from the house, but down by the beach in the small seaside town where we lived, I could drive up and visit my son anytime. And yet my sanctuary was waiting when I got back.
I’d stopped drinking the year before, or more accurately, been forced to stop or jeopardize my job, and was attending AA meetings regularly. The support of the program and my sponsor kept me from running back home. It’s amazing how indoctrinated we are when it comes to that “marriage certificate and ’til death do us part” ceremony. If our marriage fails, somehow that makes us failures in life, guilt and remorse can seem overwhelming, and the easiest way to feel better would be to go back and somehow “make it work”. Interestingly, my husband never made the suggestion or demand of me to come “home”; clearly he was doing better himself without my presence and also, I think our repeated attempts to come to grips with our issues had worn him out. It had me.
Days after I moved into my new digs, I discovered a small metaphysical bookshop around the corner had just opened. I was in need of some serious soul-searching and the shop was filled to overflowing with inspirational, spiritual and self-help books. I saw this as serendipity, and over the following months a whole new world opened to me. I was ravenous for the “foods of the spirit”. The shop conducted a meditation circle in the morning before opening, and I went often whenever I wasn’t working. Meditation opened up new and exciting ways of understanding, and the surprising by-product became a calm reassurance that things were definitely “unfolding as they should”.
After meditation one morning and while on one of my morning runs along the boardwalk, I was brought up short by an art display being set up in front of our quaint little train station. With the idea of having some kind of hobby or distraction, I’d taken a 6 week course in painting when I stopped drinking. Coincidentally, the class was held at that very train station and although I loved painting, for some reason I never continued. The books I’d been devouring all stated emphatically that there are no co-incidents and that stopped me dead in mid-run. I was beginning to pay attention to the signs the universe was always sending.
The artist was setting up his painting display and seemed oblivious to me studying his work. I was amazed by his work and was trying to figure out how he managed to capture the light so well. When I looked up finally, he was staring quite intently at me. Embarrassed, I stammered something about having taken a painting course, and I had a few paintings at my place and would it be possible for him to critique the work, and I lived just down the road, and did he teach painting, and on and on I went blithering away in my sweaty running clothes.
He didn’t speak right away, but continued to stare, and after a moment I finally calmed down enough to introduce myself. Seemed his studio was directly behind my townhouse, one block over, and if I looked out my kitchen window, I could see his building. Yes, he would be pleased to come by and see the work, stop by anytime. Just around the corner, another “gift” from the universe.
It was a few weeks after returning from an overseas trip, driving past his studio, when he came out of the door. I invited him to come over for coffee and to see my “work”, which were the only decorations in my rather sparsely furnished condo. By this time, I was getting rather excited about the whole idea of painting again, and after seeing the paintings he agreed that I might be teachable. Of course, I explained that while I couldn’t actually pay him, he could use some “sprucing up wardrobe-wise” and I’d bring him clothes from Hong Kong, which I knew I could buy really cheaply on my airline allowance. He actually agreed to the plan, much to my surprise, and I promised to stop by his studio and set some times for instruction—soon.
It was another few weeks and another two trips before I saw the artist, Chris, again. I was at one of my meetings with my sponsor when he walked in. I’d never seen him at any of the meetings before and my sponsor hadn’t either. I assumed he was a “newcomer” and I went up to him, during coffee, to chatter on about how extraordinary it was that we were both in the “program” and congratulations on making the decision to come, and I rambled on and on again.
When I turned around after chatting with another friend, he’d disappeared. Not surprising, I thought, probably embarrassed by my blithering. I promised myself to stop by his studio and set things right, and get going on the teaching if he still wanted to continue.
Chris actually was very gracious about the whole thing and we hit it off right away. I liked his quiet, easy demeanor and he turned out to be an exceptional teacher. The saying goes “that when the student is ready, the teacher appears” and this was the case in more ways than I could have dreamed of. Not only was he a fantastic art teacher, but his knowledge of things otherworldly was an immense help to my increasing curiosity of “the things of the spirit”. During the 20 odd years living the life as an artist, he’d studied religion, spirituality, mysticism and the ancient wisdoms. He was happy to share these with me during our painting sessions, and over dinner or coffee we’d discuss the latest epiphanies from my readings.
This was a magical time and I could see and feel the changes taking place in my life. Months later, when I asked him about the “meeting” incident and his quick disappearing act, he told me he was in his studio, it was his birthday and from inside his head, as if being spoken to, a voice said, “Chris, go to a meeting!” Very loud and unmistakable. He’d actually stopped drinking of his own accord a couple of years before we met. He attended one or two meetings, then just continued on his own. He intuited what the voice meant but had to call to find a meeting close by. He chose the one I was attending that night and when he walked in, he said, I looked over towards him and a laser beam of light shot out and caught him between the eyes. Apparently, this was not the first time he’d heard THE voice but he always obeyed and accepted whatever instruction was given. Clearly, another sign of serendipity in action. I couldn’t ignore the evidence that something mysterious and wonderful was happening in my life.
We weren’t involved romantically; our friendship had a more sacred meaning and besides, I certainly wasn’t going to jump into another relationship after 20 years in the first. About six months later, the night before leaving on another trip, we’d been sitting on the beach around a fire Chris had built for us, chatting for hours while the full moon rose up out of the ocean. Six days later on my way home, I’d decided to stop by the studio to check in, when there on his easel was a painting depicting the magic of that evening, including a couple sitting by the fire that could not be other than the two of us. Chris titled the painting “Us and the Night”.
It was at this moment that something within me “clicked”. I saw so clearly that I’d been skating on the thin ice of my life, all surface living – no depth. Chris lived the life of an artist that expressed itself in his work, and each painting had a meaning to him. I was so consumed with all the so-called problems and situations in my life that I couldn’t allow the magic to show up. Living inside my head and ignoring the heart for fear of the pain, I was looking out of my eyes through the filters of my past, which kept me from experiencing the wonder of each moment. I had to let go of everything I thought I knew, and learn to let life teach me what it is to live in the now moment. That would be living the creative life.
I was learning to meditate regularly, but needed to really apply myself to learn the art of stillness. In hindsight, that moment when I saw that painting was that still, precious moment beyond thought. Finally, when I was absolutely speechless, that inner knowing and peace that is always available to us, had a chance to register in my awareness. The mind is such a fierce taskmaster and it takes patience and dedication to learn to value it as a tool, and to understand that we can learn to have dominion over our thoughts. Meditation is the key to unlock all our potential to live fuller more meaningful lives.
I believe that the “epiphany moment” for me came at one of my AA meetings and I actually came to know, not just with my mind, but truly to know that because I was seeing life only from my own narrow perspective, I was blinded by an inflexible thinking process, short-circuited so to speak.
We buy into the stuff our parents, teachers, friends and even our own experience gives us. Rarely do we question our motives, behavior, or impact on our relationships. Our minds run our lives, and until you can actually see how this operates for you, and unearth the repetitive and negative mind patterns, our lives will reflect what we believe, and we will continue to repeat negative behavior and habits.
It’s not easy to let go of old ideas, concepts, belief systems, and the hardest part is just seeing how rigid our lives can be. I have come to believe that if you open up, allow the new to seep in, it will transform your life.
Much has transpired since then. My ex-husband and I agreed to an amicable divorce and our son is now an artist in his own right. Chris and I married in 1997 while driving to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. We’d fallen in love there and were captivated by the culture and landscape of the Baja. We opened a studio/gallery and watched it morph over the next 13 years into the finest collection of art and artists in Southern Baja. Being able to paint full time in the studio, I finally became an artist in my own right.
I’ve come to see that it was the creative spirit trying to “get out” that I felt as pain so long ago. Resistance to the pain caused my worst suffering, and freedom came with the ability to see that it was my best teacher.
Through meditation and learning to be still, new ways of thinking, and being, unfolded. I’m a new person from that woman of 20 years ago, and I can’t speak highly enough of the benefits. It’s well worth the effort and the persistence required to learn the art of meditation. You don’t need to attend a class; there are wonderful books to help with instruction, and the beauty is, that once you start, your own higher senses take over and your guidance starts to come from within.
It’s never too late to begin the process of transformation. We have eternity to get it right.
God speed on your journey.
Marilyn Hurst Bio:
In the early 90’s my art “career” began to germinate after discovering a hidden reservoir of creative energy brought on by personal challenges. I had never considered painting before this time, but something within was pushing me to begin. I began with portraiture and since that time my work has expanded beyond anything I could have imagined.
My mentor and husband is longtime artist, Chris MacClure.
My work is a ménage of life, experience and creative energy and the landscapes, florals, portraiture and expressionist abstracts all reflect the vibrant colors of Nature and my life as a contemplative.
View my paintings at http://marilynhurst.com/.
Learn more about artist Chris MacClure at the following websites:
www.chrismacclure.com
www.internationalartistday.com
www.facebook.com/I.A.D.Official
Back to Stories
|
Mike
My wife is an alcoholic she drinks liquor from the time she gets up until the the liquor store closes.im at the crossroa...
April
I have been married to my alcoholic husband for 11 years but we have been together for the last 19 years. We met at a ve...
Tina
I have been married for 22 years. Both my husband and I were casual drinkers. As the years went by we began drinking m...
Amy Weisenburger
What a beautiful message!! My fur-babies, soulmates gave my life tremendous purpose and meaning. Their paw print...
Frank Sterle Jr.
Whenever I observe stress in the facial expression of my mother, a typical senior, I also observe how that stress drains...
Kim
This was an excellent blog. I have been with my alcoholic husband for 15 years. I felt like I was losing my mind with th...
Alice
Helping someone with this issue is hard. And even more if you love him. I know that very well. We struggled with it for ...
Union Alarm
The best way is to leave such a person as it is not worth making your life miserable with such a person. I know this as ...
Nancy Flora
I think what you mean is a non-drinking member of an alcoholic family. Alcoholism is a family disease. Just as your husb...
Amanda
The family is waking up Sunday AM and my alcoholic husband again makes another nasty comment to me. The things he has sa...
Angel
I learned how to detach from my drunk husband! Than my mother passed away. All gloves were off after that. My son gradua...
Lorraine
Married thirty seven and a half years to an alcoholic. But he is a good person. And he does good deeds for everyone neig...
jw
I have been with my husband twenty one years. We have three children together, ages 5,7, and 9. He is a functioning alco...
Richard Berman
A emotional story well written with bright eye ups and sad eye downs. A story I could relate to. My grandparents would...
Gina
Love this. Just what I needed to read. Thank you for your courage to share this....
Tired
I am struggling with detaching, but still trying. I have been with my other half off and on for 5 years. The offs were...
Debra Grossman
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. It nourishes my soul to learn of such special friendships. We humans must ...
Jack russell
Really enjoyed reading the website. I have also have a website about this great dog....
Thank God for your blog. After 37 years of being married to an alcoholic,I've finally reached my breaking point. Emotion...
Thanx 4 da truth...
Sandra
I am from USA, i am 36 years old, i want to gladly give My testimony of how a spell caster dr.mac@yahoo. com brought bac...
g
Thank you for your words. As I navigate through marriage with children (11, 5, 3) and I am a stay at home mom, the idea ...
Catherine Ellen Pettway
My husband and I married in 1988. He occasionally drank beer but not everyday. He came from a long history of alcoholics...
Nic
Thank you Mike for your honesty and vulnerability. It helps to feel a connection with someone who understands the enduri...
Robert Goldsmith
Thank you for sharing that very intimate experience and your story. I'm married to an alcoholic and am having severe pro...
MANDI
Is this group still going? I love my husband and I knew what I was getting into when I married him. I knew he like to dr...
Kelly
Dear Keith, I hope you are at peace now. You are missed by many....
Delilah Campos
Dear LaVora, Thank you so much for sharing this intimate experience. I am deeply touched and encouraged by your experie...
Mary Ellen Bennett
Thank you so much. I am married to an alcoholic and I have watched him go through rehabilitation and relapse many times....
Tracy
Thank you for sharing your story with me Ivor. I'm so glad you had a loving supportive Aunt to guide you out from beneat...
Daniel Fontana
I know those kids,especially Snezana.Please send me their contact information....
Neyhaaa
I can't thank you enough for sharing this. Yet, thank you....
Amy
My daughter is five and her dad is an alcoholic. I know we need to leave. We both own our house and I can't afford a law...
CPC
I think this is among the such a lot important info for me. And i'm happy studying your article. However want to statem...
online festival
Every year, people in India find different ways to celebrate the same festival, and perhaps this adds new dimension to...
Karol
Listening to all the mother's on here is overwhelming for me. I think about what all of you are going through and I can ...
Vicki Osheka
This is my second marriage and I came from a non drinking family. Didn't realize what I was getting into when I married...
Elle
Wel written article. My husband is walking around totally beligerant. Where he ends up making messes, he has snowballed ...
Maren
Thank you for this! 3rd day on Cipralex and a glimmer of hope....
I 'gave in' recently. I am more hopeful than ever that things will improve for me after reading this article. It is insp...
LindaJane Riley
I apologize to everyone who has commented. I didn't know this story was still active. I would like to invite all of ...
Rahulbh28
Dear Members, Please help me. . . I'm sharing my painful moments which my brother and my family members are undergoing ...
rene
Yes i too lived the nightmare for 45 yrs..when in my marriage the last. 10 yrs my alcoholic lived in the same house and ...
Grace
I typed in Google search, overcoming childhood loneliness because I am paying attention to some habits that I have been ...
Casadina
I am so thankful that I found this website. I am like others on here and my alcoholic is passed out snoring again. This ...
Grateful
I cannot express how much I appreciate your story. I have been with my alcoholic for 11 years and I do not even know my...
Vic
I stumbled upon this beautifully written article because I just "gave in" today. I just picked up my perscription of cir...
Carol
I have recently begun to admit that my husband is an alcoholic. My heart is broken... I am pissed... I have so many emot...
TJ
Thank you for this article. You are the first person who seems to understand why I am still married to an alcoholic. I...
sariah
I wept as I read your story. I am currently learning to detach as well after 20 years of marriage to an alcoholic. Leavi...
LaVora
Good luck, N. My experience may not be yours. However, I deeply believe that happiness is our birthright. You deserve th...
nk
Lavora, I am exactly here in my marriage - trying to turn it around. Rgds, N...
Suzanne
Hi Martin and Cathy. Watched your documentary. You are a wonderful family. Everyone has their struggles, no one is exemp...
admin
Thank you for letting us know. The link is now set to the their new WEB page. We have our dog from them....
Linda Jane Riley
About a year ago I was forced to take a step back from all things related to alcoholism. My husband, Riley, was not drin...
SHerry
Your link to the rescue adoption site is for sale with no other info on the dogs....
Karen Rago
I think that Jesse is the most adorable jack Russell terrier dog I love watching his videos to...
Marleen
Thank you for sharing your story! That's real inspirating!...
Julie
Its 4:50am here. I can hear him snoring in the nursery. I brought the baby to bed with me.. He only snores when he drink...
ld
I thought I was suffering alone. The advice and comments make me feel better and gives me the strength to go on. Keep th...
Sam
Hi Mike, Very poignant, "There are no grown-ups. We are all children in adult garments" is right on the mark. Sufferi...
TJ
Thank You!!! Like "judy" commented above my mind was racing and I felt out of control... My life seemed to be falling a...
Karunakaran
It's very nice....
judy
Thanks for ur writings... it really help my mind to calm down.... where can i go to talk with alot of nonalcoholics??? N...
Tanya Sousa
We certainly do have to change the way we respond, don't we Paul? I'm encouraged though. I do see it happening -- althou...
Paul Trainer
Thank you, Tanya, this is all so true. As someone who adores starlings too, I know that it is only when you take the tim...
Cathy
In reading I see how difficult it is to be married to an alcoholic husband for 30 years and have now discovered that if ...
carrir
You took the words right out of my mouth. Xoxo...
ceri
What an amazing story of love between step son and step father...
Caney Texas
Hello! I've been reading your site for some time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out fr...
julie
what a wonderful article, she described me to a tee , it was nice to put words to the feelings , I am new to cipralex bu...
michele
I am hurting so badly right now, it is taking all the strength and coping ability I have just to get through the day! O...
denise morini
PLEASE understand that I do not feel redeemed......still...........getting Lexi DID NOT make up for what I did to Jack, ...
Carleen Quesenberry
Denise- It is perplexing that you would write a "feel good" story after you abandoned a dog due to your failure to trai...
Jon
While I love the article, I caution those reading the post by "finally AM, me." I was in a relationship for 12 years to...
Wendy Noer
I felt like I was there, good story Melodee, keep writing. Let me know when you finish another one....
thank you...
Sandi
This is great, Mel! Congratulations! I hope to see more of your writings - especially the novel you're working on......
Katie
My name is Katie. I'm 40. I have only visited your website, haven't purchased your book yet. I've been diagnosed bi-...
Kaylee
Your story helped convince me to start retaking my cipralex! Thank you!...
gautam khanal
Love actually does not have any boundary of Cast,Religion,Profile,Species,Class etc........
Nayanna Chakrbarty
Dear Kalpana, Thank you for your kind wishes. I do agree with you, when you think you are all alone that's when He ma...
Kalpana
Dear Nayanna, It' such a pleasure reading your experiences with Ganapthi (as I call him). He is so close to my heart ...
Haley
Made my day we have no reason to complain bout anything...
Melissa
Sorry typo , thank you again ......
Melissa
Thank you , LindaJane; I will consider joining. Thank you against for your response .. Be well Melissa...
Linda J Riley
UPDATE -- Since I wrote this story, I have created several support groups: Two on Facebook and one on an independent sit...
Melissa
For 20 years that had been my life! This last time was so bad , he attacked me then choked his 19 year old twin daughter...
Steve Sumii
Joe, What a beautiful story. I visualized the whole story. The ending where you walk with your dad was especially moving...
JW
The story now the subject of a documentary aired on Knowledge Network. Video can be seen online at: http://knowled...
http://tinyurl.com/kovalane39421
I really would like to book mark this blog, “Turning Trash Into Beauty – Kat Nicotera’s Unique Art Therapy | Thri...
joybells
wow. i am going through the same journey! thanks for helping me & assisting me with that journey!...
Noelle Sterne
Fangfang-- You have been blessed with a husband and parents who understand that nothing is wasted. And you have learn...
Fangfang
Wow ... what a strong and passionate article!! Really?? Nothing is wasted?? I am feeling like I have wasted my life for...
Pushpa Rawat
sooo lovely and feel of very true friendship forever...
Tanya Sousa
Hi Diane! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I was so blessed to have her in my life AND to have the parents I had. Also, gr...
Joyce
Billie, I found your story very interesting and well-written. Some people would have been judgemental about the conditio...
Diane
Shiri, your article is very interesting and brought tears to my eyes. I have been a dog parent/companion to many wonder...
Diane Schachter
Tanya, I so enjoyed reading the story of your dog sister. I love how you describe your adventures and relationship with...
Acamea
Thank you James. :-)...