The phone call came in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner. We were at my in-laws,’ and my face flushed with embarrassment when they handed the receiver to me.
“Willy’s been hurt. Not exactly a collision, but some sort of brush with a car. He wanted to be put in the crib, so that’s where he is right now.”
My neighbor’s voice was brisk and curt, as it always is, but the urgent and intimate conversation topic was new territory for both of us. We had been living next door to each other in a small seaside New England town for three years, but my continued volleys of California candor had yet to breach Amy’s well fortified Yankee reserve. I am not terribly flappable, but watching her single-handedly scrub, sand, rig, and sail her wooden boat during the first warm days of summer, each year, while I, just as faithfully, donned a tennis skirt, and filled my deck planters with fluffy annuals, made me feel frivolous by comparison.
The fact that Amy is missing her ring finger, thanks to an unfortunate mishap inside a sail loft, and that her husband has a habit of leaving her home alone with their two sons for months on end, while he races sailboats around the world–and that she accepts these facts of her life with steely and stoic complacency–compound my feelings of inadequacy.
Yet here was Amy showing a warmer, compassionate side. Willy, you see, is one of our two cats, a brother and sister pair of tabbies we had picked up from the animal shelter two years earlier. Willy and his sister, Maxine, were named after Amy’s sons, Willie and Max, and were my husband’s and my “demo-kids.” If we could keep these two balls of fur alive and well, we reasoned, we might muster the courage to try some human offspring.
From the moment we spotted him at the shelter sticking his paws persistently through the bars of his cage, while his siblings huddled and cowered behind him, we knew Willy was a go getter. In short order he introduced himself to every member of our close-knit neighborhood—freely walking into their houses and helping himself to their own animal companions’ food bowls and other fascinating edibles. He was particularly fond of Amy’s front stoop, not only for its curbside location, where he could meow at and impress passers-by, but also for its late afternoon sun.
On the rare occasions when Amy wasn’t mowing her lawn, varnishing her boat, or tending to her naturalized herbaceous garden, she too liked to enjoy her sunny stoop, spreading out the newspaper on her flagstone path, and reading the parts that Willy’s prone bulk didn’t obscure. Their communion was perfect: Willy might meow and initiate conversation, and wasn’t at all bothered if Amy didn’t vocalize her reply. Instead, he purred even more loudly as she grabbed the cat brush stowed conveniently in her mailbox and commenced to groom him with absentminded but no less tender strokes.
Amy’s ministering to Willy after he decided to ‘chase” a car that Thanksgiving afternoon wasn’t the first time I had seen her pay attention to him. But like so many things in life that remain largely unnoticed or taken for granted until magnified against the backdrop of urgency, danger, or tragedy, Amy’s deep affection for Willy was put into unmistakable relief that day.
It was she who ran into the street after hearing the screech of the brakes. It was she who rushed Willy to the vet, persuading the doctor to come in on a national holiday. It was she who didn’t need human words to perfectly understand that Willy wanted to lie in our son’s crib to rest and recover from his adventure.
At Amy’s insistence, we remained at our in-laws’ and didn’t disrupt the family holiday. Instead, Amy spent her weekend constantly running in and out of our house, checking on Willy nearly every hour, cooing at and comforting him when he wasn’t sleeping. If her feline ministrations interrupted her own family holiday celebrations, she never mentioned it.
Twelve years later, Amy’s and Willy’s relationship is still intact, if a bit changed in dynamic. Whereas Willy used to be the attention seeker, and tried to distract Amy from her chores, her reading, her sailing; today he is like the king lion of the ‘hood: aloof, independent, self-sufficient. Faithfully, Amy sends Willy handmade Valentine’s cards every year, and keeps the brush at the ready in her mailbox. In return, Willy occasionally graces her with his presence. Their encounters are fewer and farther between, however, since for the past few years Willy has taken up residence a few houses down the street, preferring those neighbors’ cat food and the stress-free atmosphere to his life at home. (His sister Maxine has become a bossy tyrant in her elder years, and Willy rightly says, “Who needs it?”)
He makes exceptions for formal occasions. Inevitably, when Amy has a house full of guests, or a backyard barbeque, Willy makes a ceremonial entrance. As he expects, Amy drops whatever she is doing, rushes over, and makes a fuss over him. Knowing we miss him as well, she also grabs Willy whenever she sees him, and without warning or words, pops him in our front door.
Willy is approaching 15 cat and 76 human years in age. That makes him older than all but one of our children’s grandparents. At checkups, the vets marvel at his muscular physique, good teeth, and sparkly eyes. “He’s like a cat in the wild, strong like a lion,” they say. So taken are they by Willy, that they allow him the otherwise unheard of privilege to be a “walk-in” for his annual physical. They understand that pinning him down with a scheduled appointment cramps his roaming style.
Still, on the rare occasions when I manage to catch Willy, and shamelessly bribe him with cat treats, his beloved canned tuna, and my own cat comb–which like Amy’s brush, is always close at hand—it’s impossible not to notice that my once wild fur ball is aging. His shoulder blades protrude more prominently from his back, and his formerly rabbit-soft fur is becoming, dare I say, a bit mangy. On the plus side, his mobility and energy level put his couch potato sister Maxine’s to shame. We now refer to her as “Tublette,” and she rarely emerges from our sons’ bedroom.
I try to prepare myself for the day we say goodbye to Willy. I accept that this will happen. Harder to gauge and plan for is the potential rift this may cause in my immediate surroundings. What will life be like in our cozy neighborhood (Amy and I share a backyard) without my trusty feline friend? Willy is my calling card, my beloved ice breaker, guaranteed to thaw any ambient Yankee frost. Willy also provides otherwise shy, reserved Amy a way to comfortably interact with our family. We are great neighbors, and once Willy spends all of his nine well-lived lives, I hope we will always remain so.
Alessandra Bianchi Bio:
When she’s not chasing after her two whacky cats or two teenage sons, Bianchi writes about lifestyle, culture and clever entrepreneurs from Marblehead, MA.
I look forward to learning more!
Back to Stories
Mike
My wife is an alcoholic she drinks liquor from the time she gets up until the the liquor store closes.im at the crossroa...
April
I have been married to my alcoholic husband for 11 years but we have been together for the last 19 years. We met at a ve...
Tina
I have been married for 22 years. Both my husband and I were casual drinkers. As the years went by we began drinking m...
Amy Weisenburger
What a beautiful message!! My fur-babies, soulmates gave my life tremendous purpose and meaning. Their paw print...
Frank Sterle Jr.
Whenever I observe stress in the facial expression of my mother, a typical senior, I also observe how that stress drains...
Kim
This was an excellent blog. I have been with my alcoholic husband for 15 years. I felt like I was losing my mind with th...
Alice
Helping someone with this issue is hard. And even more if you love him. I know that very well. We struggled with it for ...
Union Alarm
The best way is to leave such a person as it is not worth making your life miserable with such a person. I know this as ...
Nancy Flora
I think what you mean is a non-drinking member of an alcoholic family. Alcoholism is a family disease. Just as your husb...
Amanda
The family is waking up Sunday AM and my alcoholic husband again makes another nasty comment to me. The things he has sa...
Angel
I learned how to detach from my drunk husband! Than my mother passed away. All gloves were off after that. My son gradua...
Lorraine
Married thirty seven and a half years to an alcoholic. But he is a good person. And he does good deeds for everyone neig...
jw
I have been with my husband twenty one years. We have three children together, ages 5,7, and 9. He is a functioning alco...
Richard Berman
A emotional story well written with bright eye ups and sad eye downs. A story I could relate to. My grandparents would...
Gina
Love this. Just what I needed to read. Thank you for your courage to share this....
Tired
I am struggling with detaching, but still trying. I have been with my other half off and on for 5 years. The offs were...
Debra Grossman
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. It nourishes my soul to learn of such special friendships. We humans must ...
Jack russell
Really enjoyed reading the website. I have also have a website about this great dog....
Thank God for your blog. After 37 years of being married to an alcoholic,I've finally reached my breaking point. Emotion...
Thanx 4 da truth...
Sandra
I am from USA, i am 36 years old, i want to gladly give My testimony of how a spell caster dr.mac@yahoo. com brought bac...
g
Thank you for your words. As I navigate through marriage with children (11, 5, 3) and I am a stay at home mom, the idea ...
Catherine Ellen Pettway
My husband and I married in 1988. He occasionally drank beer but not everyday. He came from a long history of alcoholics...
Nic
Thank you Mike for your honesty and vulnerability. It helps to feel a connection with someone who understands the enduri...
Robert Goldsmith
Thank you for sharing that very intimate experience and your story. I'm married to an alcoholic and am having severe pro...
MANDI
Is this group still going? I love my husband and I knew what I was getting into when I married him. I knew he like to dr...
Kelly
Dear Keith, I hope you are at peace now. You are missed by many....
Delilah Campos
Dear LaVora, Thank you so much for sharing this intimate experience. I am deeply touched and encouraged by your experie...
Mary Ellen Bennett
Thank you so much. I am married to an alcoholic and I have watched him go through rehabilitation and relapse many times....
Tracy
Thank you for sharing your story with me Ivor. I'm so glad you had a loving supportive Aunt to guide you out from beneat...
Daniel Fontana
I know those kids,especially Snezana.Please send me their contact information....
Neyhaaa
I can't thank you enough for sharing this. Yet, thank you....
Amy
My daughter is five and her dad is an alcoholic. I know we need to leave. We both own our house and I can't afford a law...
CPC
I think this is among the such a lot important info for me. And i'm happy studying your article. However want to statem...
online festival
Every year, people in India find different ways to celebrate the same festival, and perhaps this adds new dimension to...
Karol
Listening to all the mother's on here is overwhelming for me. I think about what all of you are going through and I can ...
Vicki Osheka
This is my second marriage and I came from a non drinking family. Didn't realize what I was getting into when I married...
Elle
Wel written article. My husband is walking around totally beligerant. Where he ends up making messes, he has snowballed ...
Maren
Thank you for this! 3rd day on Cipralex and a glimmer of hope....
I 'gave in' recently. I am more hopeful than ever that things will improve for me after reading this article. It is insp...
LindaJane Riley
I apologize to everyone who has commented. I didn't know this story was still active. I would like to invite all of ...
Rahulbh28
Dear Members, Please help me. . . I'm sharing my painful moments which my brother and my family members are undergoing ...
rene
Yes i too lived the nightmare for 45 yrs..when in my marriage the last. 10 yrs my alcoholic lived in the same house and ...
Grace
I typed in Google search, overcoming childhood loneliness because I am paying attention to some habits that I have been ...
Casadina
I am so thankful that I found this website. I am like others on here and my alcoholic is passed out snoring again. This ...
Grateful
I cannot express how much I appreciate your story. I have been with my alcoholic for 11 years and I do not even know my...
Vic
I stumbled upon this beautifully written article because I just "gave in" today. I just picked up my perscription of cir...
Carol
I have recently begun to admit that my husband is an alcoholic. My heart is broken... I am pissed... I have so many emot...
TJ
Thank you for this article. You are the first person who seems to understand why I am still married to an alcoholic. I...
sariah
I wept as I read your story. I am currently learning to detach as well after 20 years of marriage to an alcoholic. Leavi...
LaVora
Good luck, N. My experience may not be yours. However, I deeply believe that happiness is our birthright. You deserve th...
nk
Lavora, I am exactly here in my marriage - trying to turn it around. Rgds, N...
Suzanne
Hi Martin and Cathy. Watched your documentary. You are a wonderful family. Everyone has their struggles, no one is exemp...
admin
Thank you for letting us know. The link is now set to the their new WEB page. We have our dog from them....
Linda Jane Riley
About a year ago I was forced to take a step back from all things related to alcoholism. My husband, Riley, was not drin...
SHerry
Your link to the rescue adoption site is for sale with no other info on the dogs....
Karen Rago
I think that Jesse is the most adorable jack Russell terrier dog I love watching his videos to...
Marleen
Thank you for sharing your story! That's real inspirating!...
Julie
Its 4:50am here. I can hear him snoring in the nursery. I brought the baby to bed with me.. He only snores when he drink...
ld
I thought I was suffering alone. The advice and comments make me feel better and gives me the strength to go on. Keep th...
Sam
Hi Mike, Very poignant, "There are no grown-ups. We are all children in adult garments" is right on the mark. Sufferi...
TJ
Thank You!!! Like "judy" commented above my mind was racing and I felt out of control... My life seemed to be falling a...
Karunakaran
It's very nice....
judy
Thanks for ur writings... it really help my mind to calm down.... where can i go to talk with alot of nonalcoholics??? N...
Tanya Sousa
We certainly do have to change the way we respond, don't we Paul? I'm encouraged though. I do see it happening -- althou...
Paul Trainer
Thank you, Tanya, this is all so true. As someone who adores starlings too, I know that it is only when you take the tim...
Cathy
In reading I see how difficult it is to be married to an alcoholic husband for 30 years and have now discovered that if ...
carrir
You took the words right out of my mouth. Xoxo...
ceri
What an amazing story of love between step son and step father...
Caney Texas
Hello! I've been reading your site for some time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out fr...
julie
what a wonderful article, she described me to a tee , it was nice to put words to the feelings , I am new to cipralex bu...
michele
I am hurting so badly right now, it is taking all the strength and coping ability I have just to get through the day! O...
denise morini
PLEASE understand that I do not feel redeemed......still...........getting Lexi DID NOT make up for what I did to Jack, ...
Carleen Quesenberry
Denise- It is perplexing that you would write a "feel good" story after you abandoned a dog due to your failure to trai...
Jon
While I love the article, I caution those reading the post by "finally AM, me." I was in a relationship for 12 years to...
Wendy Noer
I felt like I was there, good story Melodee, keep writing. Let me know when you finish another one....
thank you...
Sandi
This is great, Mel! Congratulations! I hope to see more of your writings - especially the novel you're working on......
Katie
My name is Katie. I'm 40. I have only visited your website, haven't purchased your book yet. I've been diagnosed bi-...
Kaylee
Your story helped convince me to start retaking my cipralex! Thank you!...
gautam khanal
Love actually does not have any boundary of Cast,Religion,Profile,Species,Class etc........
Nayanna Chakrbarty
Dear Kalpana, Thank you for your kind wishes. I do agree with you, when you think you are all alone that's when He ma...
Kalpana
Dear Nayanna, It' such a pleasure reading your experiences with Ganapthi (as I call him). He is so close to my heart ...
Haley
Made my day we have no reason to complain bout anything...
Melissa
Sorry typo , thank you again ......
Melissa
Thank you , LindaJane; I will consider joining. Thank you against for your response .. Be well Melissa...
Linda J Riley
UPDATE -- Since I wrote this story, I have created several support groups: Two on Facebook and one on an independent sit...
Melissa
For 20 years that had been my life! This last time was so bad , he attacked me then choked his 19 year old twin daughter...
Steve Sumii
Joe, What a beautiful story. I visualized the whole story. The ending where you walk with your dad was especially moving...
JW
The story now the subject of a documentary aired on Knowledge Network. Video can be seen online at: http://knowled...
http://tinyurl.com/kovalane39421
I really would like to book mark this blog, “Turning Trash Into Beauty – Kat Nicotera’s Unique Art Therapy | Thri...
joybells
wow. i am going through the same journey! thanks for helping me & assisting me with that journey!...
Noelle Sterne
Fangfang-- You have been blessed with a husband and parents who understand that nothing is wasted. And you have learn...
Fangfang
Wow ... what a strong and passionate article!! Really?? Nothing is wasted?? I am feeling like I have wasted my life for...
Pushpa Rawat
sooo lovely and feel of very true friendship forever...
Tanya Sousa
Hi Diane! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I was so blessed to have her in my life AND to have the parents I had. Also, gr...
Joyce
Billie, I found your story very interesting and well-written. Some people would have been judgemental about the conditio...
Diane
Shiri, your article is very interesting and brought tears to my eyes. I have been a dog parent/companion to many wonder...
Diane Schachter
Tanya, I so enjoyed reading the story of your dog sister. I love how you describe your adventures and relationship with...
Acamea
Thank you James. :-)...