{"id":3885,"date":"2012-04-05T18:14:56","date_gmt":"2012-04-06T01:14:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thriveinlife.ca\/?p=3885"},"modified":"2012-06-13T22:36:28","modified_gmt":"2012-06-14T05:36:28","slug":"expert-series-too-late-for-your-dream","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thriveinlife.ca\/index.php\/expert-series-too-late-for-your-dream\/","title":{"rendered":"Expert Series: Too Late For Your Dream?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Do you feel stuck in your job, your activities, your life?
\nDo you condemn yourself about what you could have, should have done differently?
\nDo you yearn for more, even if you don\u2019t know what it is?
\nDo you suspect you\u2019ve got something to give, even if you can\u2019t identify it?
\nOr do you know what it is but haven\u2019t been able to let it out?
\n<\/em>Have you pushed your secret yearnings into the back of your life, like old photos in the sock drawer?<\/em><\/p>\n

Like many people, maybe you live for the weekends or retirement. Maybe you promise yourself that then\u2014finally\u2014you\u2019ll do what you really want to. Too often, these envisioned golden times never materialize. Why?<\/p>\n

Partly because of that mindset of \u201clater,\u201d of lifelong habits of feeling non-deserving, and because the first steps may seem overwhelming, bewildering, or unattainable. You spend years that go too fast in activities that don\u2019t satisfy, self-blame, frustration, illness, and a growing sense of failure.<\/p>\n

Maybe you\u2019ve recited your own \u201cIf Only\u201d stories, or believe the many others you hear that supposedly prove widespread (and contagious) victimitis. But you don\u2019t have to believe them. You can <\/em>take charge. In Deepak Chopra\u2019s words, \u201cYou and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices.\u201d<\/p>\n

That infinity includes your Dream.<\/p>\n

Why It Isn\u2019t Too Late for Your Dream<\/strong><\/p>\n

Whatever your secret desires to do more and be more\u2014to paint, write, sculpt, make pots, create your own business, or devote more time to anything else that\u2019s always fascinated you\u2014it\u2019s not too late.<\/p>\n

Whatever your age, circumstances, childhood background, or the state of your bank account or waistline, it\u2019s not too late.<\/p>\n

Every life experience has perfectly prepared you\u2014even though you may not see it\u2014for where you are now. Any self-judged “wrong turns” you feel you’ve taken have been nothing less than perfect.<\/p>\n

These convictions are based on my own life lessons and three principles in my book Trust Your Life: Forgive Yourself and Go After Your Dreams:<\/em> <\/em><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. 1. <\/strong>There are no mistakes. <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Miles Davis, the great and enlightened jazz musician, said, \u201cDo not fear<\/p>\n

    mistakes. There are none.\u201d Your imagined failures stop you from reaching for your buried Dreams and living more fully.<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. 2. <\/strong>We can reframe our pasts. <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      When we realize there are no mistakes, we can free ourselves from branding past experiences as negative or wasted. Instead, we can review, relabel, and understand our past differently\u2014as the perfect foundation for reaching our long-cherished desires. \u00a0We can reflect on what we learned and turn every perceived botching of our past into a greater bonus for our future. \u00a0We can more easily forgive ourselves for our \u201cmistakes\u201d and see them as the inevitable steps toward the future we want to create.<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. 3. <\/strong>The outer reflects the inner. <\/strong>\u201cOut there\u201d is <\/em>\u201cin here.\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        As\u00a0 you see your life differently and become freer from the self-defeating thoughts and labels that have kept you down, you\u2019ll start to shed your old habits of negating yourself. You\u2019ll ease gently into the splendid clothes of deserving. In these new clothes, which are much more than zipper-deep, you\u2019ll begin to blossom and develop your talents and abilities as you\u2019ve always secretly known you could.<\/p>\n

        Believe your desires and speak them. The Bible promises and instructs us that when we wholly believe and speak the words of what we desire, we experience it:<\/p>\n

        You will also decree a thing, and it will be established for you;
        \nAnd\u00a0light will shine on your ways. (Job 22:28)<\/p>\n

        According to your faith will it be done to you. (Matthew 9:29)<\/p>\n

        Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, \u201cBe taken up and cast into the<\/p>\n

        sea,\u201d and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him. (Mark 11:23)<\/p>\n

        Today\u2019s spiritual teachings reiterate these principles: Napoleon Hill\u2019s Conceive-Believe-Achieve, Neale Donald Walsch\u2019s Thought-Word-Action, Eckhart Tolle\u2019s Power of Now, Louise Hay\u2019s affirmations, Abraham-Hicks\u2019 alignment with the Source, the ancient-new Law of Attraction.<\/p>\n

        When we apply these magnificent teachings, we learn to name, visualize, deserve, expect, and act on our God-planted greatest desires. We begin to feel a wonderful sense of rightness and know <\/em>we\u2019re really on the way to our Dream.<\/p>\n

        My Dream<\/strong><\/p>\n

        My Dream has been writing. \u00a0According to my mother\u2019s story, I stood in the crib at 4 months old crying not \u201cMomma, Momma\u201d but \u201cBook-a! Book-a!\u201d<\/p>\n

        Wanting to write my whole life, I nevertheless pursued all the undergraduate and graduate degrees, supported myself with office jobs, and right after the last graduation taught college English and literature. Two years later I retired (or got fired, depending on one\u2019s perspective and title), weary of too many committee meetings and too much letterhead.<\/p>\n

        A friend brilliantly suggested that I become self-employed so I could devote more time to writing. So, being also a good secretarial student and having weathered the rigors of the doctoral dissertation, I advertised dissertation typing in my university community. Clients appeared quickly. Maybe the draw was my hand- typed card, \u201cIntelligent Typing,\u201d with the phone number.<\/p>\n

        As I typed, I often became engrossed in clients\u2019 materials, and when they next visited to pick up the work, I started asking questions about their drafts. They began to suspect I wasn\u2019t your average office drone. Encouraged by my questions and interest, they spilled their troubles about impossible deadlines and chapters from their professors endlessly thrown back dripping with blood-red pen critiques.<\/p>\n

        Clients often would wail, \u201cI\u2019ll never <\/em>get this degree!\u201d Their desperation tugged at me, and I began bolstering them, giving advice and suggesting changes. Just wanting to ease their misery, I hardly knew where my guidance came from. The clients\u2019 faces relaxed and their small smiles of hope showed me I\u2019d reached them. I felt wonderful.<\/p>\n

        I graduated again\u2014from typing to editing and advising. Continuously learning, I developed a business that became one of helping adults pursue their Dreams.<\/p>\n

        Each step helped prepare me for the next. With great gratification, I\u2019ve watched clients develop the certainty that they do deserve to achieve their Dreams. I see their growth in expression\u2014verbal, written, and body language\u2014and their solid self-confidence in inviting their formerly sadistic doctoral committee members for beer and pizza.<\/p>\n

        Through my business, I too have gained immeasurably\u2014in self-assurance, the ability to master many subjects quickly, greater organizing skills, and\u2014 what a surprise!\u2014greater facility as editor and writer. I\u2019ve stretched in ways never before attempted or imagined, meeting apparently unthinkable deadlines, putting in longer hours than ever in my life, taking shorter naps, and tapping depths of creativity never suspected.<\/p>\n

        Have all these capabilities developed, or been thrust on me, in a vacuum? Of course not. Each has been absolutely essential for my own writing. Each has enabled me to keep at it, stick to it, and ceaselessly refine it. In the process I\u2019ve learned volumes (another book) about interpersonal relationships\u2014more of what I need for successful writing and publishing.<\/p>\n

        Only after the many lessons I needed to learn was I able to pursue my own Dream. And I eventually wrote Trust Your Life, <\/em>about helping adults pursue their Dreams.<\/p>\n

        Still Skeptical?<\/strong><\/p>\n

        Maybe you\u2019re shaking your head and saying, \u201cSure, sure. I\u2019ve tried this, that, and those. I\u2019ve spent money, time, and tears and got nowhere.\u201d Maybe you feel you\u2019ll never get out of this dark place. Maybe you\u2019ve already dismissed the likelihood that any wonderful things can happen to you.<\/p>\n

        You may have a lot of reasons for this reaction. Other than low blood sugar, a large one is that you probably don\u2019t credit yourself with what you\u2019ve already done. A lot of us don\u2019t even remember our accomplishments. The rest of us dismiss them and say, \u201cBig deal.\u201d How then can we give ourselves credit and build on our experiences?<\/p>\n

        Lilette\u2019s Story<\/strong><\/p>\n

        I\u2019m reminded of a client. Lilette knew she needed a change of career. For too long, in her view, she\u2019d been a bank teller and, at 36, couldn\u2019t see herself behind the glass cage for the rest of her working life. As we worked together, and I asked squirm- producing questions, Lilette realized she\u2019d always wanted to help children. She decided to go for the Master\u2019s degree in childhood education, dreaming of becoming an elementary school teacher.<\/p>\n

        When we started filling out the application, Lilette stopped cold. She shook her head, almost crying. \u201cIt asks for previous teacher experience! I don\u2019t have any!\u201d She threw her hands in the air. \u201cI can\u2019t go!\u201d<\/p>\n

        \u201cEasy, now,\u201d I reassured her. \u201cJust take a deep breath. Think back. What have you done with kids? Not teaching, but anything else?\u201d<\/p>\n

        Lilette shrugged. \u201cBabysat my cousins, almost every week while my aunt went to her weekend job.\u201d<\/p>\n

        \u201cOkay, good. What else?\u201d<\/p>\n

        Her brow furrowed. Then she lit up. \u201cOh, a neighbor. My aunt asked me if I wanted to do her friend a favor. So I stayed with the neighbor \u2019s boy\u00a0 and read to\u00a0 him.\u201d She started smiling as she recalled. \u201cWe watched Dora the Explorer, <\/em>and I taught him letters and numbers. He was going to start preschool.\u201d<\/p>\n

        I nodded.<\/p>\n

        \u201cAnd then,\u201d Lilette grew more animated, \u201cI taught Sunday School! Kindergarten kids. We read stories and did drawings and games.\u201d She laughed, finally realizing that she certainly did have \u201cteaching\u201d experience.<\/p>\n

        We completed the application with little effort, and Lilette looked forward with excitement to enrolling. She\u2019d taken the first step toward her Dream.<\/p>\n

        Like Lilette, you may feel stuck in a job, or a life, that offers little. You may not quite know what you really want to do. Or you think reaching your goal seems impossible because you lack experience, training, education, or a truckful of other things. When you can reverse this deficient image of yourself, no matter how many drawbacks you think you have, you can take the steps needed to achieve your Dream.<\/p>\n

        Maybe you\u2019re not like Lilette, who needed prompting to uncover her real interests and career desires. Maybe you\u2019ve always known what you most wanted to do, but by choices and circumstances (and often a feeling of helplessness), you\u2019ve denied or buried your desire. This was the case with Tom. <\/strong><\/p>\n

        Tom\u2019s Story<\/strong><\/p>\n

        Tom had been an important man with an impressive title. Director of the premier art museum in a large Eastern city for 38 years, he handled and acquired the most treasured works. Part of his job was to discover, develop, and showcase stellar new artists.<\/p>\n

        Tom had always secretly wanted to be a painter himself. He\u2019d begun painting in his early twenties but abandoned it as family and responsibilities grew. His Dream receded and almost disappeared as he became busier, kept up with the art world, and graciously accepted promotions, which of course meant more work and more time devoted to his profession.<\/p>\n

        At 64, with his wife\u2019s gently insistent urging, they retired to a quiet, elegant South Florida community. After Tom\u2019s decades of living with the best paintings in existence and encouraging and nurturing the next generation of artists, he longed to resume his own painting, which he\u2019d put aside so long ago.<\/p>\n

        I met Tom at a local art exhibit, and we became acquainted exchanging pithy critiques of the paintings and photographs. I told Tom a little about my work, and he asked if we could get together. At our first meeting, he pulled out his yellowed r\u00e9sum\u00e9 and said he wanted it revised so he could teach art criticism part-time in an adult education pro- gram.<\/p>\n

        He admitted in that first meeting, almost with tears, that he knew teaching was a ploy to still avoid painting. As we kept meeting, he made a series of embarrassed confessions, shouted that it was \u201ctoo late,\u201d and recriminated himself with amazing bursts of anger.<\/p>\n

        He felt, as he said, \u201cway behind,\u201d fearing he\u2019d lost his early promise. He daily condemned himself for not having plunged into painting earlier, whatever the sacrifice, and kept reeling off the names of successful artists his age who had \u201cmade it.\u201d Tom said he wished he\u2019d had someone like himself to encourage and guide him, as he had done with so many young artists in the past.<\/p>\n

        Now, though, with his time his own, Tom was terrified of starting. He watched too much television, went out and ate too much at trendy restaurants with friends, played cards in the afternoon with other retirees, and struggled with guilt, conflicting desires, and fears. Finally, the anxiety in his stomach propelled him to grapple with his desire to paint.<\/p>\n

        Slowly, I helped Tom see that no talent or time is wasted. His \u201cinterminable detour,\u201d as he called it, had helped him refine his aesthetic sense, critical skills, and discerning eye. With a great light in his face, he finally realized that he needed his long training to embark on his own. He accepted that his desire to paint was God-given and he deserved to pursue it.<\/p>\n

        Late Flourishers<\/strong><\/p>\n

        I told Tom about many artists, writers, and world figures who came to their calling in their later years (I keep a list to shore myself up). Look at some of these \u201clate bloomers\u201d: \u00a0Anna Mary \u201cGrandma\u201d Moses; the Dutch painter Piet Mondrian; Miguel Cervantes; Robinson Crusoe <\/em>author Daniel Defoe; President Harry S. Truman; Pope John XXIII.<\/p>\n

        And more recently . . .<\/p>\n