spacer
Thrive logo
spacer
spacer Log in | Register spacer
corner spacer corner
spacer
spacer
corner browseissues corner
spacer
spacer
spacer
corner spacer corner
spacer
corner popularlinks corner
spacer
spacer
spacer
corner spacer corner
corner spacer corner
spacer
spacer
spacer
spacer
corner spacer corner
spacer
spacer
corner spacer corner
spacer

Expert Series: Family Type-Casting
By Dr. Barbara Sinor

We tend to create similar situations in our lives until we become aware that the same experiences keep “happening to us.” When you recognize a particular negative circumstance seems to repeat itself over and over, or a certain type of person re-enters your life several times to your dismay, take a hard look into your childhood and search for the pattern or script which may be embedded in your subconscious mind which invites the same unwanted experiences into your life.

One obvious role we play in our childhood, which can display itself repeatedly throughout adulthood, is our location in the line-up of siblings and the expected script it bestows. A significant portion of the roles we assume as an adult are based on what was encouraged or discouraged in our childhood according to our position in the family system. If one of the youngest of the family, as in Emma’s case, you may tend to feel “the world owes you and nothing is your fault.” Living in a family system as one of the youngest children can have its benefits; however, in the long run many times one is left with feelings of “always needing to be taken care of,” therefore not needing to strive for your best.

My younger sister, the baby of the family, was labeled “cute and artsy” which provided her with the script of becoming the sister with “so much artistic talent.” Yet at the same time, this label silently implied to her that she was not as intelligent as her sisters. This label stayed with her through many adult years. She kept peace and received love in the family system by accepting her role as an artist and to not expect to be seen as a serious educational student. She began working with her child within and chose to break the bonds of being type-cast as the “artistic baby” of the family. To do this she chose to continue her education and allowed herself to follow her true Self’s desire to become both a published author and a world-renowned sculptor.

Many times when one challenges the casting of the family scripting and ventures outside the accepted boundaries, it disrupts the accepted family system. When this occurs, family members do not know how to relate to the child/adult’s newfound identity. This is why it is so difficult to move forward by trusting our own inner feelings of “who and what we want to be when we grow up.” We continue to live in our programmed scripts, not venturing beyond the boundaries established so clearly by our family system. We subconsciously fear that to challenge our role in the family unit would consequently result in our losing their love. Many of us are so embedded in our childhood slotted-roles we live out our adult years content to stay the oldest, smartest, funniest, prettiest, dumbest, youngest, weakest, ugliest, strongest, or fattest child in the family to prove that we can be just what they all thought we would be!

If you find yourself relating to this concept of being slotted into a particular type of role by your family, it is now possible to re-create these influences. What your parents and siblings said and did to you as a child may have had a substantial effect on how you perceive yourself today. However, you can alter how you were regarded by your parents and others by re-creating (while in light meditative state called autohypnosis) what you believe they thought you should be into what you would have desired them to do and say to and about you.

As an example, you may have enjoyed playing the piano or painting as a child but this was discouraged by your parents. Instead, you were encouraged to enter competitive sports. As an adult, you may still view yourself as athletic but not artistic or creative. In a gentle autohypnosis, search your subconscious mind for a time in your childhood in which you were happy doing, or attempting to do, something you enjoyed. Feel the energy of this action as you begin to dance, play the flute, paint, jump the high-jump, throw the ball, or write the poem just like you wanted to when you were a little boy or girl. This exercise may bring back one of your hidden talents long forgotten and discarded. Now you can follow-through with your dream.

Let yourself explore the new possibilities of choice in your life. We have all heard of the person who developed a second career later in their life and became very successful. It is as if the desire and talent had been there all along just waiting to be discovered. This self-discovery can begin any time you choose. You can unlock these hidden talents and desires rather than continue to cheat yourself by believing there are limits to your abilities. Become who you know yourself to be.

A friend once told me that I work with people who have come to an “intersection in their lives.” I like this analogy and have repeated it to clients when they tell me they need to make a decision in their life. Are you one of those people who wish to move past being a “victim of circumstance” and begin creating a new way of being? The choice-point to move in a new direction, to look at the intersections of your life, and to choose which path to take is a giant leap forward. As we choose to face our fears and self-doubts, we begin to see these intersections as mere skid-marks along our journey to healing and wholeness.

Dr. Barbara Sinor Bio:

Dr. Sinor is a retired psychospiritual therapist of over thirty years. Sinor is also the author of five books and is working on a sixth. Gifts From The Child Within is the culmination of clinical research in the areas of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and adult survivors of childhood abuse/incest.

Sinor’s book released in 2004 is An Inspirational Guide for the Recovering Soul. This book is a companion guidebook for further growth and understanding of the personal healing and recovery process which can be used by anyone dealing with past or present trauma.

In 2006, Barbara coauthored What’s Really Going On? Inside a Heroin Treatment Program and in 2010 her fifth book Tales of Addiction and Inspiration for Recovery was released.

Sinor may be reached through her web site: www.drsinor.com

Back to Stories

Share
spacer
COMMENT (0) | family, relationships, self realization
spacer

Comments

Leave a Reply





spacer
spacer
spacer
spacer
spacer
corner spacer corner
spacer
corner spacer corner
spacer
newsletter
spacer
spacer
spacer
corner spacer corner
spacer
corner comments corner
spacer
  • Robert Goldsmith: Thank you for sharing that very intimate experience and your story. I’m married to an...
  • MANDI: Is this group still going? I love my husband and I knew what I was getting into when I married him. I knew he...
  • Kelly: Dear Keith, I hope you are at peace now. You are missed by many.
  • Delilah Campos: Dear LaVora, Thank you so much for sharing this intimate experience. I am deeply touched and...
  • Mary Ellen Bennett: Thank you so much. I am married to an alcoholic and I have watched him go through rehabilitation...
  • Tracy: Thank you for sharing your story with me Ivor. I’m so glad you had a loving supportive Aunt to guide you...
  • Joe Longo: Love this photo
  • Daniel Fontana: I know those kids,especially Snezana.Please send me their contact information.
  • Neyhaaa: I can’t thank you enough for sharing this. Yet, thank you.
  • Amy: My daughter is five and her dad is an alcoholic. I know we need to leave. We both own our house and I...
  • CPC: I think this is among the such a lot important info for me. And i’m happy studying your article. However...
  • online festival: Every year, people in India find different ways to celebrate the same festival, and perhaps this...
  • Karol: Listening to all the mother’s on here is overwhelming for me. I think about what all of you are going...
  • Vicki Osheka: This is my second marriage and I came from a non drinking family. Didn’t realize what I was...
  • Elle: Wel written article. My husband is walking around totally beligerant. Where he ends up making messes, he has...
  • Maren: Thank you for this! 3rd day on Cipralex and a glimmer of hope.
  • Anonymous: I ‘gave in’ recently. I am more hopeful than ever that things will improve for me after...
  • LindaJane Riley: I apologize to everyone who has commented. I didn’t know this story was still active. I would...
  • Rahulbh28: Dear Members, Please help me. . . I’m sharing my painful moments which my brother and my family...
  • rene: Yes i too lived the nightmare for 45 yrs..when in my marriage the last. 10 yrs my alcoholic lived in the same...
  • Grace: I typed in Google search, overcoming childhood loneliness because I am paying attention to some habits that I...
  • Casadina: I am so thankful that I found this website. I am like others on here and my alcoholic is passed out snoring...
  • Grateful: I cannot express how much I appreciate your story. I have been with my alcoholic for 11 years and I do not...
  • Vic: I stumbled upon this beautifully written article because I just “gave in” today. I just picked up my...
  • Carol: I have recently begun to admit that my husband is an alcoholic. My heart is broken… I am pissed… I...
  • TJ: Thank you for this article. You are the first person who seems to understand why I am still married to an...
  • sariah: I wept as I read your story. I am currently learning to detach as well after 20 years of marriage to an...
  • LaVora: Good luck, N. My experience may not be yours. However, I deeply believe that happiness is our birthright. You...
  • nk: Lavora, I am exactly here in my marriage – trying to turn it around. Rgds, N
  • Suzanne: Hi Martin and Cathy. Watched your documentary. You are a wonderful family. Everyone has their struggles, no...
  • admin: Thank you for letting us know. The link is now set to the their new WEB page. We have our dog from them.
  • Linda Jane Riley: About a year ago I was forced to take a step back from all things related to alcoholism. My...
  • SHerry: Your link to the rescue adoption site is for sale with no other info on the dogs.
  • Marleen: Thank you for sharing your story! That’s real inspirating!
  • Julie: Its 4:50am here. I can hear him snoring in the nursery. I brought the baby to bed with me.. He only snores...
  • ld: I thought I was suffering alone. The advice and comments make me feel better and gives me the strength to go on....
  • Sam: Hi Mike, Very poignant, “There are no grown-ups. We are all children in adult garments” is right on...
  • TJ: Thank You!!! Like “judy” commented above my mind was racing and I felt out of control… My life...
  • Karunakaran: It’s very nice.
  • judy: Thanks for ur writings… it really help my mind to calm down…. where can i go to talk with alot of...
  • Tanya Sousa: We certainly do have to change the way we respond, don’t we Paul? I’m encouraged though. I...
  • Paul Trainer: Thank you, Tanya, this is all so true. As someone who adores starlings too, I know that it is only when...
  • Cathy: In reading I see how difficult it is to be married to an alcoholic husband for 30 years and have now...
  • carrir: You took the words right out of my mouth. Xoxo
  • ceri: What an amazing story of love between step son and step father
  • Caney Texas: Hello! I’ve been reading your site for some time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and...
  • julie: what a wonderful article, she described me to a tee , it was nice to put words to the feelings , I am new to...
  • michele: I am hurting so badly right now, it is taking all the strength and coping ability I have just to get through...
  • denise morini: PLEASE understand that I do not feel redeemed……still 230;……..getting Lexi...
  • Carleen Quesenberry: Denise- It is perplexing that you would write a “feel good” story after you...
  • Jon: While I love the article, I caution those reading the post by “finally AM, me.” I was in a...
  • Wendy Noer: I felt like I was there, good story Melodee, keep writing. Let me know when you finish another one.
  • Anonymous: thank you
  • Sandi: This is great, Mel! Congratulations! I hope to see more of your writings – especially the novel...
  • Sherveen Ashtari: I never forget kind and terrific people, Alex!! :) I actually beat you to it and sent you an email...
  • Alex: Yaay, you DO remember me and the penguins!! :) That makes me so happy. I’m doing well. Thank ya for...
  • Sherveen Ashtari: Hello, Alex! Of course I remember you, and how can I ever forget that hilarious phrase?! :) How...
  • Alex: Hi, Sherveen! I had always hoped to bump into you again. These are fine articles you’ve written. You may...
  • Katie: My name is Katie. I’m 40. I have only visited your website, haven’t purchased your book yet....
  • Kaylee: Your story helped convince me to start retaking my cipralex! Thank you!
  • gautam khanal: Love actually does not have any boundary of Cast,Religion,Profile,Species, Class etc…..
  • Nayanna Chakrbarty: Dear Kalpana, Thank you for your kind wishes. I do agree with you, when you think you are all...
  • Kalpana: Dear Nayanna, It’ such a pleasure reading your experiences with Ganapthi (as I call him). He is so...
spacer
corner spacer corner
spacer
Copyright 2010 thriveinlife.ca. All rights reserved. | Privacy Statement
spacer
spacer