Reflections Of A Non-Traditional Student
By Cassandra May
 It was November of 2008 when I received the email from my boss. They were letting me go; my services were no longer needed. I would be contacted if I was needed in the future. This was crushing. How could this be? I had never been without a job; I’d been working straight since I was 15, and sometimes holding two or three part time jobs when one wouldn’t cut it. How many times could I count on this happening?
Then it struck me that while I was upset about the loss of income, I wasn’t so much upset about the loss of my occupation. It wasn’t horribly interesting, or even very challenging. Looking back on my young career, it seemed as if I was typing the same thing, day in and day out, into a computer with nothing to show for it. It was at that point that I did what I always do when confronted with a tough choice, and broke out a pen and piece of paper. I proceeded to make a pro and con list, detailing the pros and cons of going back to school. The pros won out.
Fast forward six months later: Slowly I step onto the campus of Binghamton University for the first time. It’s my orientation day and I’m more nervous than I think I should be. That morning I kissed my daughter—Roxanne—goodbye and left her with my husband, while I headed off into this uncharted territory. I feel utterly out of place next to my fellow new student “peers”, most of who are fresh out of high school and here with their parents. I have no one, since I couldn’t find a sitter for my daughter so she is at home with her dad, and my parents live a five hour drive away.
I’m 23, most of my old friends from high school have earned their bachelors already, or if they haven’t they are within a semester or two of doing so. I’ve read the statistics that say that non-traditional students are gaining in number every year, but I can’t help but feel a bit silly when people ask where I graduated high school from and I explain; and no, I don’t know this or that person since it’s been 5 years since I graduated.
About a month and a half later classes start and I’m less nervous than before, but still I feel a bit out of place. I went to a community college for a semester after high school, so while I am not wholly unprepared, my previous college experience was a very different atmosphere than the university. The community college felt more like an extension of high school; the campus was a lot smaller and I must have known about a quarter of the people in my classes from high school. Everyone was local. At the university the campus seems huge in comparison, and as a result, even though the class sizes are bigger, the campus as a whole seems less crowded. I know no one, and the classes are truly challenging.
In a way, I feel I am lucky to have the opportunity to gain an education a little later than my peers. Originally, when I graduated high school and entered community college, I had no idea what I wanted, but was told by parents and teachers I just had to go. It’s what I should do and I could figure out what I wanted on the way, but without some end goal in mind. I just had no motivation.
I now have the drive that I lacked right out of high school; I know what I am aiming for and feel as if nothing can stop me. I didn’t simply pick the easiest major, the one with the best earning potential, or the major that I thought other people might like for me to choose. My biggest criteria now–my major should be something I truly am passionate about, and want to work with for the rest of my life. Pursuing a double major in history and Arabic is something I never would have thought to do right out of high school. People would have told me it was crazy and unrealistic to expect such an educational path to lead to a career. I am now determined, not just to succeed in earning a degree, but to take that degree and use it in my future work. And that determination I believe, is key to future success.
This isn’t something I am just doing for myself either. I am doing it for my daughter as well, so I can provide better for her, and later in her life be able to steer her toward her goals with the conviction that I was able to achieve my own.
Of course being a parent, while attending classes full time, can be challenging, and presents a whole new set of issues when referring to the notion of “college life”. I have less time to play with my daughter than I did as a stay-at-home mother, or even a full time working mother. As a stay-at-home parent, my day revolved pretty much around my daughter and her needs. I loved spending so much time with her, watching her grow, change, and learn something new every day. That was truly a gift. But I also didn’t feel very intellectually stimulated; on some days, my conversations would wholly take place in the universe of toddlers, with close to no adult interaction. The bulk of my everyday conversation involved “toddler speak,” or talking with other moms about diapers, temper tantrums and parenting challenges. As fulfilling as it was to watch my daughter progress, it did not fulfill my aspirations of contributing to society as a whole.
So I tried working both full time and part time. It was a welcome change of pace, but the only jobs I could seem to get hired for were either retail (which takes a special sort of person to like working), or receptionist/data entry jobs, which quickly became monotonous. The retail work could be very trying. My hours were far from stable, and very often it involved doing the work of several people for one minimum wage salary. The office jobs left me confined to a cubicle for my shift, with nothing to do often but type figures into a database which quickly became, to say the least, quite boring. But when I was working, I was able to work just 6-8 hours per day, and then come home to my family and not do anything further.
With the resurrection of homework and studying into my daily routine, I sometimes feel bad when I have to send my daughter to her father because I have reading I must complete, or a paper to write. It has been a tough transition, more for me than for her, to drop my daughter off at a babysitter’s every morning, and not see her again until my afternoon classes let out. I sometimes feel as if a stone has been dropped on my gut, when I pick Roxanne up after classes to find out that I missed witnessing yet another milestone, or new word. I have two people I have to worry about getting sick causing a missed class, and I don’t have all the time for extracurricular activities and clubs that I’d like.
But I’m not complaining either. It’s great to arrive home every day from a long day of lectures, and have my own personal two year old cheerleader waiting for me, who can somehow always sense when I’m stressed out and need a hug, kiss and to be told that I’m loved. And despite my many faults, sees only Supermom who can cure all ailments and fix all problems.
I am also very lucky that I have a pillar of strength in my husband; not only does he support me financially while I go through school, but he is also there to make sure I remember to relax, taking the reins of parenthood when he gets home from a long day at work, so I can study. My husband is currently a new business owner and is trying to run a business, but despite constant calls from clients, and conferences with his business partner, emergency calls that keep him out until 1am on some days, he always manages to be there for me and be my rock. Without him, I do not know if my nerve would have held out in the beginning, and every day since.
It can be intimidating; these first few days of classes on campus certainly have been in some ways. It can be hard, and yes, it can be very scary. But to me the decision, to have another go at furthering myself, was the right one. I know a lot of people that wish they could go back to school, or had taken the opportunity to go when they graduated high school. When I dropped out of community college
because I had absolutely no direction to head in, I was told that I would never go back, that I was missing my one and only chance. It does not come easily, the second chance, but it is my opinion, and I’m sure that of most every non-traditional student out there, that if you want something bad enough, you can and will do it. My life would go unlived and unfulfilled if I did not embrace the opportunities life
has to offer.
Cassandra My Bio:
Cassandra is currently living in Port Crane, NY with her husband and daughter. She attends Binghamton University and hopes to enter into public service after obtaining her degree and also plans on continuing her education to the graduate level.
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